


Glass and Ivory

by gearinmyheart



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bottom Tyler, Brendon is the mom friend, Brendon is the narcassistic ass, Josh is a photographer, M/M, Photography, Sarcastic Tyler, Top Josh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-09-20 14:58:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9497120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gearinmyheart/pseuds/gearinmyheart
Summary: If something caught your eye, would you weigh the pros and cons before taking a picture?---My first fanfic, it's shit I know but gimme a chance.I've got it all planned in my head I swear.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Longer chapters and better writing in general after chapter two, I promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy, I'm not a professional writer or anything so don't expect anything too exciting.  
> \- H

_A picture is worth a thousand words._ He had heard that before, more times than you'd expect. Sometimes Josh thought he would be able to get away with a photo instead of an essay. It was true, he probably could if he really wanted to, but he has a reputation to uphold. He's the quiet, secretly really sassy one at the back of class, always taking photos of the cherry trees outside but deleting them soon after. He's the best friend of the one that eats cereal in the middle of class, is extremely narcissistic, and yet manages to not have any detentions. However now, he's got a blank canvas to work on, he could make himself the nerd, the photographer, the creep, or even a jock if he really tried. He could be whoever he wanted.  
     "Brendon," Josh said, looking between the boxes of bleach and dye in his best friends hands.  
     "Come on Josh," He laughed and shook the boxes a little, "You're the one who said, quote, 'I just don't want to be the quiet one again' unquote. Being a punk is better than being a loser."  
     "This is not what I meant," Josh laughed and grabbed the box of blue hair dye, inspecting it. He held it up to his head to see how it would look, honestly it didn't look too bad, "But fine. If my mother hates me forever I'm blaming you."  
     "Done deal," Brendon laughed and grabbed the stool from in his room. He put it in front of the bathroom mirror and patted it, his grin spreading wider than the jokers as Josh sat down on top. He went to go get a towel from across the hall, running from excitement.   
     "I don't want to get dye all over your towels," Josh smiled awkwardly from his seat, now shirtless.  
     "I really do love how innocent and polite you are," Brendon laughed and began to mix the bleach together in a bowl.  
     Josh didn't pay attention to the boy excitedly shifting around on the sink, he was too focused on his own reflection in the mirror. His black hair was soon going to be blond, then blue. A picture would be nice, to commemorate his natural hair.  _Sometimes, part of being a photographer is knowing when to_ _keep the moment forever on a wall, and when to let it go._ He smiled at the words. This is one of those times.

     "Dude," Brendon said, his jaw halfway through to China as he looked at Josh.  
     "Dude," Josh cringed, not wanting to look in the mirror, "Is it bad? It's bad isn't it?"  
     Brendon said nothing, reaching and grabbing Josh's shoulders. His fingers were long and thin, perfectly matching the rest of his body. He spun Josh around so he was looking at himself in the mirror once again. His shirt was still off and he had some blue marks on his shoulders from Brendon being an idiot. But his hair.  _Holy shit, his hair._  
     Brendon had done just the top, where is was long and curly, sticking out in all directions even though it was wet from the shower. It was a light, silvery blue the matched him better than his natural, black hair and for the first time in a while, he thought he looked properly good.   
     "You look hot," Brendon smiled, picking up the bowls and rubbish to put them in the bin. Josh just continued looking at his hair, completely entranced by it. It seemed to burn into his mind, like a scar, "Hey buddy, you alright?" Brendon waved his free hand infront of Josh's face.  
     "Thank you," Josh said, looking Brendon in the eye and smiling.  
     "Thank yourself for having such an amazing physique," Brendon patted his shoulder and went to the bin in the kitchen, "Seriously, damn," He muttered on his way out and Josh laughed, walking into Brendon's room to put a shirt on.  
     "Brendon Boyd Urie!" Brendon's mum yelled from downstairs, "You did  _WHAT_ to Josh?"  
     Josh chuckled and walked down the stairs, dragging his hand along the rail as he went down the stairs. He had been in this house so many times, yet the banister continues to change. Whether it's Brendon hitting some part of his body on it, throwing something at it or Mrs Urie throwing  _Brendon_ at it, he didn't know.  
     "Josh, I am deeply sorry for whatever," She said as he walked in to the kitchen, "My son-" She stopped, looking at the smiling boy she had grown to love, at his hair, "Oh, you look so handsome," She fussed, running her brittle fingers through it and smiling, how this beautiful, loving woman had produced  _Brendon,_ he didn't know.  
     "I told you he looked great," Brendon said.  
     "Don't talk to your mother like that Brendon Boyd," She said sternly, managing to sound terrifying yet so loving all at the same time, "Would you like to stay for dinner again?" She asked, smiling once more and walking back into the kitchen.  
     "No thanks Mrs Urie," Josh smiled and felt for his phone in his pocket, "I should really get home and make sure I have everything."  
     "Have fun dear," She smiled and stirred something in a pot on the nice, white stove, "Take Brendon if you want, lord knows I don't want him."  
     "I don't think I want him either," He laughed and looked at Brendon who was sitting there like a child who just got all his toys taken off him, "Thank you for having me for the day," He smiled.  
     "It's really no problem Sweetie," She smiled and turned to a chopping board on the other side of the kitchen.  
     "Later B," He waved and went over to the door.  
     "I'll pick you up at 10," Brendon yelled just before Josh walked out the door.

     "Joshua William Dun," Josh's mother yelled as soon as he walked in to the kitchen, "What on earth have you done to your hair?"  
     "Isn't it great?" He smiled.  
     "Is Josh getting roaste-" Jordan ran in aswell, puffing slightly, "What the?"  
     "What'd Josh do?" Abby came in right after Jordan. Stopping abruptly and staring, much like Brendon, at her brother's hair.  
     Ashley came in silently and sat at the table, chuckling to herself at the rest of her family.  
     Josh couldn't help but feel slightly worried, what if they didn't like it? They wouldn't kick him out would they? What if they did? Oh my, they hate it.  
     "It's wonderful," His mother smiled sweetly, wrapping him in a hug and smiling at him, "Did Brendon do it?"  
     "Yeah, he got it all over his bathroom sink," Josh laughed and sat down next to Ashliegh at the table.  
     "I'm glad you guys are going to the same College," She said and brought out a large dish of roast lamb, gravy dripping down the sides and pooling around the vegetables. Josh's mouth started to water.  
     "So am I," His dad said as he came in to sit at the head of the table, "I like your hair Josh, I take it even you weren't consulted about it first?"  
     "No," He laughed and grabbed Jordan and Ashley's hands as his dad said Grace. His voice always seemed to echo throughout the house, seeping into every crack and mark in the walls, as if he were blessing it.  
     They continued talking, mostly about Josh going to College, but sometimes about Ashley's poetry or Abby's school.

     "Now Josh," His mother said once everyone had finished, "You go upstairs and make sure you have everything packed and then go to sleep early, okay?"   
     "Yup," He said, standing up from the table but not leaving, "Do you want any help with the dishes?"  
     "No, sweetie," She said, "Jordan's going to take over for you tonight," She glared quickly at Jordan, who threw his arms up and went to protest but gave up under their mother's stare.  
     "Thanks man," Josh smiled and walked down the hall.  
     One of his walls was completely covered in photos, some polaroids and others just normal photos. Slowly, he began to take them down one by one, he had saved this part until very last. He placed the first one down on the end of his bed, this one was one of the few dark themed ones he'd taken. It was of a black and white photo of a boy he had seen in the woods. He was crouched on the ground with his arms wrapped over his ears, the trees around him seemed to cry for him, wanting to answer the caption but not being able to. This was the only photo Josh had added a caption to that wasn't the date. He ran his fingers over the thick black ink, flashing back to the night. It was very early in the morning, maybe 1am, and he had been clearing his head, trying to wash away the thoughts of school and his friends. Then he saw the boy, saw him drop to the ground screaming five words. Every time he looked at the photo all he could think of were those five words.  
      " _Is there anybody out there?!"_


	2. Chapter 2

     Tyler sat in the middle of the trees, watching them dance to the tune of the wind. He hummed along to it, a soft and slow tune that he didn't really need to think that much about. It was late, too late for him to be out in his forest, breaking leaves so only the veins showed. If his mother knew he was out here, she sure as hell wouldn't be very happy. He was meant to be sleeping, his room completely empty around him, all moved into a suitcase. He never had much of a room to start with though.  
     He lies down on his back, his legs straight out in front of him and his arms out, away from his sides. The stars blinked down at him, watching as he breathed in the cold air and shivered a little. He can't think of anything that made him feel as light as the forest, like he was flying and couldn't be brought down. It made him feel like nothing else mattered, the leaves around him and the trees the only things in the world. And how are trees and leaves supposed to hurt you?  
     It was always so quite as well. Nothing but a stream rushing far away, the wind humming along with him, maybe some leaves flying around. He wanted to be just like them, he wanted to have not a care in the world. He wanted to be alone, humming to himself and maybe add a few piano or ukulele chords in there somewhere. But no, he had to go to College.

     "Call us when you get there," His mother wept over her son.  
     "Mom," He said, "I'll be fine."  
     "That doesn't matter," She said, "I just need to know when you get there."  
     "Mom," He said again, "I need to go now."  
     "Yeah," She hugged him one more time before he smiled at his family and started to walk towards the bus, "Bring home a girl!" His mother yelled at him, just as he stepped on and pulled out his ticket. The driver laughed and raised his eyebrow as Tyler looked to find a seat.

     His dorm building was rather small actually, the white bricks looked like a normal apartment building, hiding the fact that there was almost a whole college full of students in there. He took the deepest breath of his life and blew on the pad of his thumb, slowing his ever-increasing heart rate. He started to not be able to breath, putting his left foot in front of his right, left foot, right foot, left, right. He could do this. He is going to do this. He can't turn back now.  
     He opens the door, watching his shaking hand as it gripped the cold steel handle and pushed it down. He was almost bowled over by the immediate warmth, it seemed so strange. He didn't like the warm.  
     "Can I help you?" A bright girl asked from behind a desk in the corner of the room. She had short blonde hair, perfectly curled and only reaching her shoulders. Her eyes were light blue, watching him with so much happiness. Everything about her made him want to smile and just  _be happy_.  
     "Yeah, sorry," He smiled and put his bag next to his ankle in front of the desk, "I'm m- meant to be moving in h- here but I don't think anyone's- anyone's actually told me what room," He stuttered and his heart-rate began to rise again.  
     "It's okay," She clicked something on her computer, still typing, "What's your name?"  
     "Um, Tyler," He continued stuttering, "Tyler Joseph."  
     "I'm Jenna," She smiled and started typing away on her computer, focused completely on her screen. He looked around the room, the ugly chairs on the other side, windows too high to look out of. The walls are an ugly white, matching the ugly blue of the wall surrounding the front desk.  
     The door opened again and a boy stepped in, he was talking but no one seemed to be with him. His hair was jet black and stuck perfectly up into a quiff, the sides shaved and flat against his head. He was tall, taller than Tyler and he was quite thin but well built at the same time.  _Is he talking to himself?_ Tyler thought with a smile,  _I do that._  
"I mean," He talked, "It shouldn't matter-" He stopped, noticing that no one was behind him. He quickly dropped his bags and walked over to the door, opening it and standing like a disappointed parent, "Joshua William, get your ass in here right now," He sounded like the mom friend.  
     He held the door open and the most gorgeous boy Tyler had ever seen walked in. He was wearing a dark blue NASA shirt and black skinny jeans, he was shorter than Tyler and he could tell by his height next to the other boy. What struck him as odd was his  _hair_. It's  _blue_. The boy who seemed to be name Josh didn't notice him, he was too busy with his friend, who was scolding him for no apparent reason.  
     "Okay," Jenna smiled and clicked something for the last time on her computer, "Looks like you're meant to see Dr Williams before you're placed in a dorm."  
     "And where abouts would I find him?" He asked.  
     "She's just down the end of the hall, on the left," She smiled and Tyler's heart stopped, he instantly felt bad for getting it wrong.  
     "Thank you," He smiled, instantly hiding it again when he walked down the hall Jenna had pointed to.  
     He knocked on the door, the words 'Dr. Hayley Williams' printed on a large metal plaque on it.  
     The door swung open suddenly and Tyler jumped, stepping back a little and putting his hand on his chest. A woman with bright red hair stood there, slightly out of breath.  
     "Tyler Joseph," She said and stepped back to let him in, "Please come in. I've been so excited to meet you."  
     "Hi," He muttered and came to sit on the black leather couch right next to the door. The was a large wooden desk in the centre of the room, a large bookcase covering the other wall completely, some certificates on some of the shelves. Dr Williams came and sat next to him on the couch.  
     "So, Tyler," She smiled, she was very energetic, "You'll have to excuse me I had a lot of coffee this morning. Anyway, I understand that you need a dorm to stay in," He nodded slowly, looking at her sceptically, "Now, I think I have the perfect person for you, but I need to ask you one question."  
     "What?" He asked.  
     "How would you feel if you were living with  _two_ people?" She asked, walking over to her desk and grabbing the phone.  
      _Two people_? Tyler thought,  _that's more than I thought. What if one likes me and the other doesn't?_ "Yeah, I guess so," He contradicted his thoughts and his heart rate started to increase rapidly,  _Why would I say that? I'm so dumb, ohmygod_.  
     "Jenna," Dr Williams pretty much yelled into the phone, "Jenna where are the two boys I was telling you about, one's a photographer person and the other's narcissistic asshole," She nodded, then pretty much threw the phone down and  _sprinted_ out of the room, Tyler following slowly.  
     "Hayley?" Jenna asked when she raced past, going at Sonic speeds, when she saw Tyler in the hallway she smiled and laughed a little, "She's had a lot of coffee hasn't she?"  
     Tyler nodded and looked at his feet quietly.  
     "Tyler grab your stuff!" Dr Williams yelled from a different hallway that seemed to lead to stairs. He looked at Jenna who smiled and shrugged her shoulders. He walked back into the Doctor's office and grabbed his bags, slinging the back pack over his shoulder and grabbed the handle of the suitcase.  
     "Good luck," Jenna smiled from her chair, typing on her computer once again.  
     He walked up to the stairwell, and saw two pairs of feet about two stories above him. He picked up the suitcase and carried it up the stairs, holding it like a baby.  
     "Tyler, you know we have an elevator right?" Dr Williams said, grabbing the suitcase and putting it on the step. He refused to look anywhere but through the holes in the bottom of the stairs.  
     "Well if I knew that I wouldn't of carried up the stairs would I?" He finally looked up and saw Josh there, looking at him as though he was his idol and had been wanting to meet him for his whole life. His mouth was open slightly and his dark brown eyes were staring into his soul.  
     "Tyler, this is Josh," Doctor said, picking up the suitcase and walking up the stairs again, "Vice versa."  
     "Hi," Josh said, shoving his hands in his pockets and gulping a little.  
     "Hey," Tyler said and started following the strangely fast Doctor.


	3. Chapter 3

     It's him. His lock screen, the picture at the front of his book, the one planned to be in the centre of his wall. It's the boy from the forest. Josh feels like he can't breath all of a sudden, like something has wrapped itself around his chest and is not letting go anytime soon. He was even more stunning now than in the forest.  _Tyler_ walks past him and follows the Dr. up the stairs but Josh is getting as far away as possible. He needs to get away. Running down the stairs as fast as he can, his black shoes hitting the cold metal and his hand dragging along the railing. He felt as though his heart was in his head, slamming against the inside of his skull as well as his chest, his blood pumping out of his skin. His lungs weren't taking in enough oxygen, leaving him breathless from his desperate attempts to breathe normally again.   
     "Josh?" Brendon's voice came from the top of the stairs. He started running too, just as Josh exploded out of the fire escape and out into a field. It was very big, long grass covering the entirety of the ground. Along the edge to the right was a forest, thick trees towered above. Josh took as big a breath as he could before stumbling and falling into the grass. It clawed at his bare arms and neck, burying itself in his new hair, attaching itself to his nice black jeans. He continued to take small, shallow breaths as quick as he could, "Josh," Brendon came and knelt down next to him, watching tears fall down his best friend's face, "Josh what happened?"   
     "He-" Josh tried, but he couldn't speak, he could barely even breathe, "Th- It- Th-" He stopped trying, trying to calm himself down by closing his eyes and thinking about his family back home, how they all loved his hair. The jokes Jordan used to play on him, tying all his shoes together, not even the same pairs. He used to take all his toilet paper and hide it.  
     Above them, Tyler was putting his suitcase under his bed. It fit nicely, sliding just under it. He had taken the single bed on the left of the room, leaving the bunk beds for Brendon and Josh. The curtains were closed and he got off his knees to open them, but only got to open one when he saw the two boys on the ground, one shaking violently and the other seriously confused. He bolted out of the room as fast as he could.  
     "Josh!" He yelled as loud as he could, getting only Brendon's attention, who looked at him like he was witnessing a murder, "What happened?" He asked Brendon when he made it, kneeling down on the other side of Josh and watching his eyes move under his eye lids. He looked so beautiful, which he shouldn't be thinking right now.  
     "I don't know!" Brendon yelled at Tyler, "He didn't come in after you so I went looking for him and found him here! Like this!"  
     "Josh?" Tyler said quietly, resting one hand in Josh's and the other on the side of his face, his hand was weirdly warm and calloused, "Josh open your eyes."  
     "Bu-" He started but still felt like he couldn't speak.  
     "Josh, look at Brendon," Tyler said, his hand still on Josh's face. Brendon looked at him strangely, like he was mad, "He's your best friend isn't he?"  
     Josh opened his eyes, looking at Tyler first then at Brendon, his breathing never changing or his heart rate, "Bren- Please don't be mad at me-" He started to cry again.  
     "Josh count with me," Tyler said, Josh looking at him again. His deep brown eyes were rimmed with red, "One."  
     "O- One," Josh said quietly, his eyes staying on Tyler's the whole time.  
     "Two."  
     "Two," His breathing slowed ever so slightly.  
     "Three."  
     "Three," The tears stopped dripping from his eyes, a few still going down his cheeck and onto his neck.  
     "Four."  
     "Four," His heart slowed, still beating fast but slower than before.  
     "Five."  
     "Five...."  
     "Six."  
     "Six," He sat up, still holding Tyler's hand and looking at his face.  
     "Seven."  
     "Eight," Tyler laughed a little as he continued the count.  
     "Nine."  
     "Ten," Josh laughed a little as well, looking at Tyler still, leaning his head in to his hand. They sat like that for so long, just looking at each other. They amazed each other.  
     "WHAT JUST HAPPENED!" Brendon practically screamed at them, Tyler immediately pulled his hands away, looking at the frightened boy in front of him. He looked terrified, like he was going to cry.  
     "Brendon," Josh said, sitting up so he had his legs crossed, "It's okay, it was just a panic attack. I'm fine."  
     "Why did _he_ help?" Brendon seemed very upset now, pointing at Tyler accusingly, "I'm your  _best friend_! You're meant to come to me with panic attacks!" He started yelling again and Tyler sat back a little, suddenly feeling very scared.  
     "Brendon, calm down," Josh sat up on his knees now, "It's fine, you had never dealt with one before. I would've gotten over it eventually."  
     "That's not the point!" Brendon appeared to be a different person, terrified and angry.  
     "I- I should go," Tyler suddenly stood up and backed away, shrinking in his skin. The happiness he had felt looking at Josh was replaced with fear, fear the Brendon was going to hurt him or hated him.  
     "No," Josh said and then _everyone_ was standing up, "Tyler, you're fine. Brendon, what's wrong with you?"  
     "What's wrong with me?" Brendon yelled hysterically, "What's wrong with  _you_ Josh? You've known this kid for all of 5 minutes and he already knows more about you than I do. I've know you for  _three years_ Josh.  _Three. Fucking. Years._ "  
     "So?" Josh asked and Tyler slowly stepped further and further away from the two arguing boys. He didn't like arguments. He had enough in his head. They became further and further away, their voices diffusing off into the distance as he walked further and further away from them.  
      _Tyler._  
     He put his hands on his ears and walked into the thick forest, leaves from the trees falling all around him. Some hit him in the shoulder, some rested in his hair and others missed him completely. He wanted to be just like them so bad, to have no problem in the world.  
      _Tyler, it's okay._ __  
He hated the voice in his head, it was so warm and inviting. It told him to do things, things he shouldn't do. It reminded him of his family a little.  
_Tyler, we'll be okay. But you know what we have to do now though? Don't you?_ __  
He took his hands off his heads and pushed them to his sides, breathing in the air and trying to relax himself. His heart had started to beat faster and faster, more than we he had first met Jenna. The lungs under his ribs stopped inflating fully, taking half breaths twice as fast. He needed to calm down.  
_Breath Ty, breath. Just do what we always do._ __  
"Okay," He whispered and wiped his eyes, sniffling a little. To his left there was a tall tree that looked reasonably easy for him to climb. It's trunk from different from the rest, it was thicker and darker. The leaves a dark green, almost see through from all the light shining through.  
_We can do this._ __  
He climbed, pushing himself up by his hands first, then his feet. His breathing steadied the higher he got, the more weight he had in the air, the more his lungs were filled. Before he knew it, he was at the very top, his head sticking through between the leaves. He didn't look out at the buildings, he didn't look down at the tree. Instead, the sky was the only thing his eyes were watching. It was beginning to get dark, a deep blue beginning to invade the skies, some pinks and purples just on the horizon.  
     "Tyler!" Josh yelled from the ground and Tyler almost fell. Why is he looking for him? He shouldn't be, all he had done was cause conflict between him and his best friend, "Tyler, where are you?"  
_It's so sad that he probably doesn't want us to live with him anymore,_ the voice was calm and collected, another Tyler sat next to the original on the branch. His neck was dark, as well as his hands. His eyes were falling down his face, dark bags highlighting it, "He's cute."  
     "He might not," Tyler tried to argue, moving a little further down the tree.  
     "He might though," Other Tyler contradicted him, looking between Tyler and the blue hair running around the forest, "He probably thinks we're weird."  
     "What if he doesn't though?" Tyler turned closer to the other Tyler, pleading with his eyes, "What if he really does like me?"  
     "Think about it Tyler," The other said, "Remember what happened last time? We can't have a repeat of him now can we?"  
     Tyler sighed and looked down at the blue hair. He had stopped running and yelling, standing still in the leaves.  
     "It's what's best for us Ty," The other said, gently resting his hand on Tyler's shoulder and smiling softly at him. His face began to go blurry and it spread like a virus. Down his neck and his arms, across his chest and down to his legs. Soon enough, he was completely gone. Leaving Tyler to watch Josh from the tree.  
     He had sat down against the base of the tree, his head in his hands. He looked so sad, like the world around him was crumbling and he couldn't do anything but watch.  
     "Please Tyler," He whispered into his hands.  
     Tyler gently lowered himself even further down the tree until he was right above Josh. He could reach out and touch him if he wanted, run his thin fingers through the blue mess and rest his hand on his jaw. But he never dared defy Blurry. He scurried back at the thought of the boy sitting on the branch next to him. He was always so calm and collected, like he was Tyler's best friend. But he was terrifying when he got angry. His heel slipped on a branch about 2 up from Josh and Blurry's hand whipped on to Tyler's mouth. He held his index finger up to his mouth and glared at Tyler. His breath began to quicken and he closed his eyes, counting in his head over and over again.  
     "Tyler?" Josh said, looking around and sitting forward a little, "Tyler is that you?" He said, his voice breaking a little as he spoke, "Tyler I'm not mad. It's okay."  
     "See?" Tyler said under Blurry's hand. He removed it slowly, glaring awfully at Tyler.  
     "Shut up!" Blurry yelled sternly, his eyes flashing from brown to red at him, "He'll hear you!"  
     "Tyler?" Josh asked, finally looking up the tree, but Tyler didn't notice. He was too distracted by the demon sitting in front of him on the branch. He looked exactly like him, knew everything about him, but it wasn't him.  
     "I'm sorry," Tyler muttered, his eyes never daring to leave Blurry's.  
     "Tyler, it's okay," Josh laughed a little, "It's fine, Brendon's fine. You can come out."  
     Blurry's eyes set him on fire, shaking his head slowly and fading away again. Tyler gasped a little, his hand coming down from around his throat. He hadn't even put it there to begin with, but he needed to breathe. He slowly and quietly climbed down the tree, one branch at a time. Constantly looking around him to see if he was back.  
     "I'm so sorry Tyler," Josh wrapped his strong arms around Tyler's decrepit body.  
     "It's okay Josh," He smiled and wrapped his arms around Josh's shoulders.  
     "Brendon just gets a little protective sometimes," He says and rests his head against Tyler's shoulder.  
     "It's fine," He laughs and pulls away. Josh looks so relieved, like the world had been pieced together again and he could finally stand. For the first time in Tyler's life, he felt utterly and undeniably safe, just from looking at someone's face.  
_You know what needs to happen now, Ty._ Blurry's voice came from all around them, seeping into Tyler's bloodstream, stabbing and clawing at him with claws. Claws poisoned with fear.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't added anything, I just started school again and I've already got tonnes of homework but I have finished it all and shall update when I can!

     Josh wasn't creepy. He wasn't. He just didn't want to part with his lock screen. It's not that it was his roommate, who he had barely known for a day, or that he had magically saved him from a panic attack. He just liked how  _mysterious_ he was. There was so much he didn't know about him, yet he felt like he was his best friend, even before Brendon. It wasn't like him to hide his phone from the rest of humanity, swatting away anyone who looked for the time or looked when he got a notification, but it was like him to be scared.  
     "Josh?" Brendon waved his hand in front of Josh's face, his brown eyes looking for any sign of consciousness.  
     "Huh?" Josh slipped his phone away quickly into his back pocket.  
     "Are you even listening to me?" Brendon asked, looking rather disappointed.  
     "Course I am," Josh smiled and just looked at him, his heart jumping as he lied.  
     "Okay then," Brendon smirked and shuffled about on the single bed they were both sitting on, "What was I talking about?"  
     "Um," Josh tried to remember, diving as far as he could into his memory, "Phone a friend?"   
     "I really do hate you sometimes," Brendon sighed and got up to get some coffee.  
     "You love me," Josh smiled sweetly and watched as Brendon started making both of them some coffee.  
     "I was talking about  _Tyler_ ," Brendon said, filing their mini little jug with some water, "He seems so weird, like what does he do all the time? I'm set on the fact that he's secretly a murderer."  
     "Why's that?" Josh asked and pulled his phone out again, stopping to look at the black and white photo of Tyler in the forest before unlocking it and scrolling through all the social media he could find.  
     "Well, when I woke up," Brendon pours the hot water into the coffee cups full of coffee grinds, "Which was well before you, I saw him leaving with a knife, but like a razor blade sort of thing. You know? So I wouldn't be surprised if the police came to our door looking for him because he's suspected of being a murderer."  
     "He doesn't strike me as a murderer," Josh muttered, Brendon only just able to hear.  
     "That's just what he wants you to think," Brendon comes back and hands Josh his coffee, which he takes in his left hand, still using the other to scroll through photos of his old friends.  
     "Maybe he's doing some weird carving?" Josh asked, looking up for a second to take a sip of his coffee while Brendon sat down awkwardly, as to not spill his drink.  
     "He doesn't strike me as being arty," Brendon smiled and raised an eyebrow, a little too proud of himself for successfully mocking Josh.  
     "You do you kiddo," Josh said, referring to something Brendon had said quite a while ago.

     Tyler wanted to do something else. He wanted to let Blurry win, let him have control. Yet, something made him want to do something else. He wanted to  _disobey_ Blurry for once. His fingers started to hurt, small lines appearing down his fingers from where they had been pressed into the blade. It was the closest Blurry was going to get to hurting him today, why he didn't know. He imagined something else as he roughly carved the lines, imagined blood running between the bits of bark instead of his arm. He pretended that the tree trunk was his skin, that he was carving the shapes into himself, slowly letting Blurry win and lose simultaneously. The shapes formed words in his head, the four rows and three columns missing one shape at the top. It made him feel powerful.  
     Air and leaves brushed against him, whispering his name. They would always talk to him, wherever he was. Back home, here, or even on holiday at his grandparents. They followed him everywhere.  
     "They want you to leave," Blurry sat behind him on the branch, the sun shining around his dark neck. If he didn't know better, Tyler would've described him as an angel.  
     "They're leaves," Tyler said, carving a straight line down, parallel to the one next to it, "They can deal with me."  
     "Look at you," Blurry said, standing up and reaching to a branch above and to the left of him, "Being all rebellious. I don't know whether to be angry or proud."  
     "Neither," Tyler said glumly.  
     "Don't be so down Ty," Blurry said, swinging across the branches and sitting right in Tyler's point of view, "This is a new start, you can hide better this time.  
     "I've done a pretty great job so far," He said softly to himself, chuckling a little. His knees started to hurt a little from their position on either side of a very thick branch. He was almost done, only 4 more shapes to go.  
     "Oh come on," Blurry smiled, "Brendon'll get over it eventually. Just don't tell him anything about yourself and you'll be sweet!" He said cheerfully, even raising a thumb for added exaggeration.  
     He simply looked at him, bored and like he wanted to leave. And he did. Once he had finished his drawing.

     Josh was sitting on his bed reading when Tyler walked back into their room, his fingers still kind of hurting from the blade. He gently slipped it into his pocket as soon as he saw Josh, not wanting to give him any ideas.  
     "Hey," Josh didn't look up from his book, his phone on the bed next to him.  
     "Yo," Tyler said and sat down on his own bed, across the very small room from Josh. He had nothing to do, he didn't like playing on his phone and hadn't brought any books to read.  _Nice Ty,_ Blurry echoed in his head sarcastically, threatening him with only two words, "Where's Brendon?" He asked, wanting to start a conversation, he was always secretly good at that.  
     "Class, I think," Josh said, looking up for a split second to see Tyler inspecting the lines on his fingers and picking at them with his nails, "What'd you do?"  
     "What?" Tyler asked, his hands frozen in front of his face. Josh chuckled to himself a little and put his book down.  
     "Your fingers," He pointed to Tyler's frozen hands, "What'd you do to them?"  
     "Nothing," Tyler said quickly, Blurry flowing through his mind from earlier.  
     "Are you sure?" Josh moved forward a little, "Do you want me to have a look?"  
     "No," Tyler dropped his hand, covering it with the other one, "It's fine."  
     "Okay," Josh dropped the subject suspiciously, "So what are you planning on doing today?"  
     "I don't know," Tyler said, pulling out his phone to check if he had any classes, "I don't think I have class until tomorrow, so."  
     "Cool," Josh smiled and got up to check for food. Once he was in the kitchen, his phone went off, most likely from Brendon, "Hey, can you check that? It's probably just Brendon complaining about something."  
     "Sure," Tyler jumped off his bed and grabbed Josh's phone. Josh suddenly stood up straight from looking in the bottom cupboards, his eyes fixed on Tyler, who had his phone in his hands, reading carefully whatever the notification was.  
     "Tyler," He started walking towards him, reaching for his phone.  
     "Dude," Tyler laughed, holding Josh's phone out to for him to read, "Can I reply to this?"  
     Josh's heart stopped when the text (that was indeed from Brendon) had blurred out his lock screen, hiding Tyler from himself. It read:  
      **Brendog:** man i just got a log shoved up my ass so far  
     "Sure," Josh laughed and unlocked it, going straight for Brendon's texts, hiding his homescreen. He didn't have any reason to, it was just a picture of his drum set back home, but for some reason he didn't want Tyler to see.  
      "Thanks man," Tyler laughed the whole time he typed, stopping every now and then to hide his smile from laughing at his own joke. He locked it and handed it back to Josh, letting him raise his eyebrow and unlock it, only to see the best reply to anything Brendon had ever said.  _Ever_.  
      **Jim** : Didn't even touch the sides.  
     Josh couldn't tell which was funnier, the fact that it had perfect grammar, or that  _Tyler_ had written it. Sweet, innocent, possibly a murderer Tyler. He didn't wait for Brendon's reply, instead laughing with Tyler, who's face scrunched up when he laughed, his crooked teeth showing and making Josh's heart stop. He was so adorable.  
     They continued laughing with each other, eventually deciding to either go find Brendon, or go find food. Both of which they desperately needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, my apologies it's not very long, but I need to go to bed. I try get American stuff in there, but I'm from New Zealand so sorry if I get anything wrong. Feel free to correct me if I do.


	5. Chapter 5

     "So Tyler," Josh sipped his drink and leaned his elbows on the gross, public table that most likely had more germs on it than a toilet bowl, "Why are you here?"  
     "Well, Joshua," He thought, telling him the truth that he didn't really want to be here, or that he was here to study music. Either way he would probably think he was weird, "You tell me first," He smiled to himself and took a sip of his own drink.  
     "Answering a question with a question, a tactic I know of quite well," Josh leaned back and smiled to himself, his half empty drink resting on the table before them both. Tyler's phone began to buzz on the table, ringing throughout the small cafe. People turned and looked at how loud the noise was, the lack of a case only making it louder.  
     "Sorry, I have to take this," He quickly picked his phone up and got out of his chair, shaking at the name on his screen. His best friend always terrified him, he was too perky and always in a positive mood. Tyler didn't like it, "Hello?" He pressed the cold glass to his ear, but jumping and moving it away with how loud the voice was. He was only about a step away from Josh and he probably heard the loud as voice of the boy that was most likely drunk. Outside would be better, but just by the window so he could still see Josh but couldn't hear him.  
     "Tyler!" His voice boomed, slurring through the absence of words amazingly and a lot of rustling going on in the background, "How're you doing Popper?" He laughed through the phone and shushed some people in the background. Was he prank calling him?  
     "Mark, what are you doing?" Tyler asked and his breath started to quicken, but he kept it quiet in his head.  
     "I miss you Popper," Mark failed at concealing his giggle, disappearing from the phone for a second before coming back, "Ty," He settled and became rather serious, "I need to tell you something."  
     Tyler's stomach dropped and his phone almost fell out of his hand, beginning to shake and sway on his feet. This was always the worst question, it had never let him down on leading to something bad. Never.  
     "What?" He asked quietly and swallowed thickly.  
     "I have had the biggest crush on you for the longest time," Mark sounded so honest, so true. But Tyler couldn't believe him if he tried. He had learned.  
     "You know what Mark?" He asked dramatically, Blurry appearing in front of him, resting his hand on his shoulder and smiling the same sympathetic smile as always. Why was his worst enemy so comforting, "I don't need your bullshit right now, come back when you have something worth me listening to."  
     Blurry smiled triumphantly with him, taking in a deep breath and exhaling together before walking slowly back to where Josh was sat quietly. He looked like a lost puppy, his deep brown eyes and bright blue hair shining in the light and making him look like he built the sun in his tool shed, just to give it to Tyler. It would've stopped Tyler's heart if he wasn't so focused on keeping himself together.  
     "Sorry, that was my friend from back home," Tyler smiled and sat back down, putting his phone in his pocket now and leaving it. He had something better to focus on now, food.  
     "No problem, where is that though?" Josh asked, his elbows resting on the table again and taking another sip of his drink.  
     "Columbus," Tyler smiled proudly, thinking of all his trophys and photos on the shelf in his room. He actually kind of missed high school.  
     "Sick dude, me too!" Josh smiled widely and watched as Tyler's smile grew wider by the second.  
     "Sick!" They both laughed together before Brendon waltzed into the quiet cafe, bringing with him nothing but noise and irritated customers.  
     "Bro I met the hottest guy ever today, he's in my class and he's only just older than me but I already love him," He began to rant, pushing Tyler onto the next seat and talking directly to Josh, as though Tyler wasn't even there.   
     "What's his name?" Josh asked, clearly interested, putting his chin on his interlocked knuckles and smiling at his best friend.  
     "Ryan," Brendon smiled like a small girl and wriggled in his chair, "He's the most beautiful man I've seen since the mirror."  
     "Ryan Ross?" Tyler asked quietly from his chair on the side, his eyes wide and a little bit scared.  
     "Yeah, why? Do you know him? He's mine, you got that?" Brendon said all at once.  
     "I knew him in high school s'all," Tyler grabbed his drink from in front of Brendon and took a sip, looking between the two boys watching his every move.  
     "Still, he's mine," Brendon glared down at Tyler, trying to seem intimidating but sort of failing. Tyler grabbed his drink firmly in his hand and stood up from his seat and walked round to the other side of the table.  
     "You can have him, he wasn't a very good person when I knew him anyway," Tyler grinned and walked out of the cafe in one sweep, taking blurry with him, who was clapping at smiling like a proud parent at his confident young child.

     Josh walked down the halls, listening in for any sign of life that could be out there some where. Anything that could at least  _indicate_ that he was alive, that this was the real world and he wasn't dreaming. His class was meant to be down this hall and he wanted to find where it was before hand so he wouldn't be late, but he ended up finding something else. The soft chords of a well tuned piano echoed down the empty hall, bouncing off the photos on the wall and filling his ears like a prayer. As he walked closer, the chords began to make words and the words began to make a song.  
      _And I hope,_  
     I can show you what I mean,  
     And I don't believe,  
     Love's for me, oh,  
     So won't you,  
     Come around and,  
     Prove me wrong  
     A single tear dripped down Tyler's cheek as he played the last chord, letting his fingers fall off and the piano keep playing it until it could no longer. His eyes stared at nothing, a chip in the side of the piano's lid, small bits of wood freying and beginning to fall off to the ground. It reminded him of himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the queen of procrastination


	6. Chapter 6

     Tyler never sung in front of people. He had played the piano at church every now and then, but he had never sung in front of anyone at all, in his life. Not even his family. It was terrifying for him, knowing that when he sung in front of someone, they held his entire dignity in their mouths, deciding what he would do when he got home. Or, more like, wouldn't do.  
     "Tyler?" Josh's voice came from the door and he quickly wiped away the tear that had escaped down his cheek, spinning around on the small stool to look at the boy with blue hair. He usually looked like the kind of person that would take Tyler's dignity and snap it in half, throwing it on the ground and stomping on it, leaving it to shrivel up and die on the ground.  
     He didn't say anything the blue hair moved closer to him, but he shut his eyes, refusing to see the disappointment on his new friend's face. He had only known this boy about two days and he was already fucking everything up.   
     "It's okay Tyler," Blurry's voice came from nowhere, echoing through the back of his mind and running his warm fingers up his back, his spine shuddering in response, "He was just going to hate you anyway, it's better to get it over with," His harsh words were so comforting, even though she shouldn't be they calmed him, letting him keep his breath.  
     "Since when do you sing?" Josh asked him, forcing the taller boy's eyes open to look at the bright blue mess in front of him.  
     "I don't really," Tyler smiled and went to sit up from the stool, but being stopped by a warm hand wrapped around his wrist. It felt just like blurry's and he began to panic that Josh wasn't real, that he was just Blurry pranking him again. He didn't like it when that happened.  
     "Play something," Josh smiled up at him gently, motioning to the thin white strips of ivory.   
     "Don't so it Tyler," Blurry sat on top of the piano with his legs crossed, picking at his nails, or lack thereof, "He's just going to humiliate you, remember what happened last time?"  
      _I think Josh is different though,_ He thought, talking to Blurry without actually opening his mouth.  
     "That's what we thought last time," Blurry smiled his sad smile again, disappearing into a cloud of dark red smoke, the dust littering across the room and melting in to the floor.  
     "Maybe another time," Tyler smiled and removed his wrist from Josh's hand and stepped up from the stool, "I'm gonna go for a walk though, do you want to come?" He smiled, he knew Josh wasn't good at making friends without Brendon, so he wanted to give him a helping hand.  
     "Sure," Josh smiled, wrinkles forming around the corners of his and running along his temples, his teeth brighter than Tyler thought his future was. He was a beautiful human being, "Where we going?"  
     "I don't know, do you want to go somewhere specific?" He asked and started walking towards the door.

     Some people say if you have a crush on someone for longer than four months, you've fallen in love. But, Josh had known Tyler for a little over a week now and he was pretty sure he had fallen in love with the taller boy with a strange sense of style that worked, the cheesy smile that made him look like an adorable little child on Christmas morning, and the soft voice that seemed to stop time everytime he opened his mouth. He was a goner for this boy.  
     Tyler set his phone's face down on the soft creme carpet next to his spread out legs. He typed another sentence on his laptop and sighed, closing his eyes and resting the back of his head against the foot of his bed to let his neck have a break.  
     "Is little Tyler fed up with all his one essay he has to write?" Brendon teased from his bed, looking down at him with mock sadness but laughing and going back to his phone. Tyler didn't like Brendon.  
     "Fuck you, you're not even doing anything," He retaliated quickly before thinking.  
     "Well I'm sorry you're depressed," Brendon laughed, not once looking up from his phone to look at the shorter boy to see the hurt that oozed down his face.  
     "I'm not depressed," He spat, thinking of all the words Mark had once said to him.  
     "Dude, I haven't once seen you smile the whole time I've known you," Brendon chuckled and looked up momentarily, just to see the door slam shut and feel the silence as he sat alone in the room. Brendon didn't like Tyler.  
     He walked through the trees with his hands in his pockets, looking at the leaves as he brushed them out of the way with his black vans.  
     "Brendon doesn't like you," Blurry walked along side him, his dark neck and hands in he same place as Tyler's, "And you know what that means."  
     "I've told you, Josh is different," Tyler tried to argue, tried to defend his new friend but he couldn't because he knew the road Blurry was going to go down and he couldn't help but let it overtake him.  
     "That's what we though last time though, remember?" Blurry tilted his head to look at the fragile boy, a not quite perfect copy of himself, "He'll always choose Brendon over you."  
     "Maybe if we give him a chance," Tyler begged, used everything in his power to try defend Josh from himself, but he couldn't do it. He just couldn't, "Maybe he's not like Mark."  
     "Let's ask the trees, shall we?" Blurry stopped and rested his hand on a tree that looked rather difficult to climb. He liked to let Tyler think there was a small chance he could die.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup mah bois, I'm back with a whole new set of chapters so strap in!  
>  \- H

Josh needed to find Tyler, he needed to tell him. He needed him to know, even if it meant Tyler thinking he was weird and leaving him to be on his own with Brendon. Not that that would be a bad thing. But he wanted Tyler to know.

     "Tyler?" He wandered through the forest they had been to many times, looking for the one tree he could never find. Tyler always found it for him, almost drawn to it with every cell in his body. It was beautiful. The trees all looked the same, the thick trunks sprouting in all different directions and the leaves all a new, undiscovered shade of green. This was his home screen now, a new addition to his photobook, right next to the secret one of Tyler no one knew about.

     It was slowly becoming dark now as he pushed leaves out of the way and listened for any sign of Tyler. Any at all. For the two weeks he had known him, Josh eventually picked up that if Tyler wants to be seen, you'll see him and if he doesn't, you'll have to listen for him in the room full of people neither of you want to be in. He was a special kind of quiet. And Josh was right, he heard him before he could see him. The soft humming like the one from the music room, when Josh had found him playing the piano like it was everything he ever wanted and just stood there listening to the sad tune leaking out from under the door.

     He followed the low humming to their tree of all but two weeks, sitting under it and resting his head against the trunk. The bark dug into his scalp, ripping out his light blue hair he loved so much and leaving the only trace as to his actual existence. He sat with his eyes closed, listening to the other boy hum words quietly to no one in particular and got lost in the sound. For a split second, everything was bliss, nothing else mattered, not Brendon, not his family, only the two boys sitting in and underneath a tree.

     But that split second was only a split second.

     “Tyler?” Josh opened his eyes and looked up at the boy lying down a branch, his knee high and bent, the other hanging down beneath, along with his arm. He looked like he could be dead.

     “Josh?” Tyler replied quietly, not moving the slightest, only stopping his singing.

     “How’d you know?” Josh closed his eyes again, tilting his head back down towards the ground.

     “Know what?” His voice was so quiet and almost like he was afraid, like he was afraid he might fall out of the tree. But Blurry wouldn’t let that happen as he sat on the branch next to him, watching his every move with his fiery red eyes melting Tyler to his core.

     “The counting thing when we first met, how’d you know it would work?” Josh thought about how Brendon had reacted, how he had kept this big secret from his best friend for just over three years, but managed to give it away completely to someone had known for all of 2 minutes.

     “With a panic attack?” Tyler laughed a little bit to Blurry, looking over and banishing him with his mind, only to have his eyes get closer and hotter, “Think about it, there are only two reasons anyone would know what to do with a panic attack.”

     “You get them too?” Josh asked quietly, fidgeting with his fingernails and running his fingers over the top edge of his phone. Brendon had been texting him for the past hour about Ryan, but he didn’t care, he had more important things to think about.

     “Bingo,” Tyler clicked his fingers and looked down at the boy on the ground who seemed to be an entire world away. He wanted to reach out and run his fingers through his hair, to tell him everything would be okay because he had been in that situation many times and he knew it got better over time.

     They sat in silence, Josh battling a war behind his eyes about how he should tell Tyler, and Tyler arguing with Blurry about nothing at all. They always had something to argue about though.

     “Can I show you something?” Josh won his war, deciding to climb up to Tyler and show him what only he understood, but above him, Tyler was losing his war.

    “Depends what it is,” Tyler scoffed, letting Blurry go for a second, but he came back quickly, now holding a milkshake for whatever reason that was. The fearful atmosphere seemed to melt away with that one small action only one of the boys could actually see, but it effected both of them equally.

     “My lock screen?” Josh stood up and reached for the branch lowest down, he was going to climb this tree whether his mind liked it or not.

     “Sure, but I swear, if it’s anything rude, I will bring you up here and throw you off the top myself,” Tyler joked and began to climb his way down, Blurry instructing him on where to put his hands and feet.

     They met in the middle, each equally surprised at how they got there, Josh on how fast and Tyler on how he got there in the first place.

     “So what’s so special about this lock screen?” Tyler settled on a branch and let josh sit next to him, their legs pressed neatly together.

     “Well,” Josh pulled his phone out of his back pocket and handed it to Tyler, letting their fingers brush, the warmth of Josh’s merging with the cold of Tyler. Blurry jumped on the branch in front of them, looking at the two with something in his eyes, not quite fear, but not quite anything else. But before he could do anything, Tyler looked into Josh’s eye’s and he flew away in a murder of crows, screaming that he would be back and worse than ever. Josh’s soft brown eyes looked around Tyler’s face, any sign of fear flying away with Blurry and leaving him to gawk.

     He raised his eyebrow at his friend and gently pressed the home button, the screen lit up and presented him with…himself? If it were any other person, he would’ve thought they were a stalker and run away, but this was Josh. And it was the most beautiful photo he had ever seen. It managed to capture his desperation and fear in one photo, yet making him look like he made the sky with his bare hands, just to give it to someone who would never love him.

     “This is amazing,” He smiled and continued looking at the photo until the screen eventually turned black and he had to give it back. He wanted to look at it all day, just look at how beautiful his trees looked in the dark lighting, surrounding him and watching him drop to his knees and scream out his fears. The trees were the only ones that ever listened to him.

     “Really? I thought you might think I was weird,” Josh smiled and fiddled with his finger nails again.

     “Then why’d you show me?” Tyler smiled cheerily and handed Josh his phone back. Josh just shrugged and tucked it away in his pocket, looking down at the ground like he was hiding his third grade crush.

     Tyler just continued to look at Josh like he looked at a sunrise, watching it set fire to the darkness and bring nothing but light. Clearing away everything he ever hated himself for, and he couldn’t help but smile as he realised that he was completely in love with this mess of nerves and anxiety.

     “What?” Josh asked nervously, shuffling on his piece of the branch and fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. He had never had someone look at him the way Tyler did, like he was all they had ever wanted in the world.

     “Nothing,” Tyler smiled and shuffled closer, pressing their legs closer together and filling the gap Josh had tried to create, “You’re just so adorable.”

     Josh laughed and hid his head, his calloused hands covering up the smile Tyler had grown to love so much. He couldn’t let him hide his sunrise, grabbing his wrists and pulling them away, revealing the one thing he couldn’t get off his mind all week. The tongue between the teeth and the crinkles on the edge of his eyes smile. The no anxiety, fear free smile. The sunrise that set him alight from the inside out smile.

     “Would you mind if I?” Tyler asked politely, looking down at Josh’s lips to help him get the question. He knew the importance of asking, along with wanting to be polite for obvious reasons. He wasn’t about to make poor little Jishua do anything he didn’t want to.

     Josh looked up at the taller boy and chuckled a little, leaning in closer and almost whispering, “What kind of question is that?” He looked around Tyler’s face, taking in the crooked teeth on display as he smiled and watching as his pupils dilated. He had never been so in love with someone in his life. He gently put his lips on Tyler’s, letting his hands fall down and hold him close, not wanting to let him fall away. There were no fireworks, no rapid heartbeats or breaths, just pure serenity. Like he was finally at peace with himself and the world around him.

     It was like Josh had taken Blurry’s lifeless body out of him, drawing him out and letting him drown. For the first time in roughly five years, Tyler wasn’t afraid of his own mind. He wasn’t thinking about what Blurry was going to make him do for kissing Josh. All he _could_ think about was kissing Josh. How soft his lips were and how relaxed his hands were against his neck, running through the short brown mess on his head. How he could feel the smile he had fell so hard for and it was even better than he had ever imagined. He never wanted to leave, because he knew what was waiting underneath his drawers in their dorm.

     But none of it mattered. Yet.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I put a trigger warning on like the rest of this story? It's brutal and I cried while writing it.  
>  \- H

     Blurry was right, he had never hit back so hard. He left Tyler lying breathless in the tree, his fingers ghosting over the eleven letters he had previously carved into the tree in one simple act of defiance. He let a single tear drop to the leaves below him, dropping on top of the small circles or red that Blurry had dropped. He never normally liked leaving evidence, apart from his deep red canvas splayed out across the branch he had tried to be strong for. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do it anymore.

     “Tyler I know you’re out here!” Brendon yelled from the ground, right on top of the only reassurance that Tyler was alive. Even though he didn’t want to be, “I just want to talk, nothing else.”

     “Don’t you know?” Tyler hid his pain, pulling his arm up and letting the drops fall onto a new branch, the one right next to Blurry, scowling at him that he couldn’t hurt him with company.

     “That you’re a dick? Yeah, I do,” Brendon laughed, turning in circles to try and find the voice high in the trees. Tyler’s scowl instantly dropped, giving it to Blurry to use instead.

     “Words scare me more than fists,” He yelled and ran his hand over his broken canvas, letting it sting and rolling across the branch.

     “Wow, very poetic of you. You say stuff like that to Josh?” He flew his arms around dramatically as he yelled at the boy he couldn’t find.

     “Do you?” Tyler laughed, letting himself slip away and Blurry come out to play. He was always better with angry people anyway.

     “You know, you’re a real smart ass sometimes Ty!” Brendon laughed, managing to find the small shape at the top of the tree and pointing straight at it, “You should really think before you speak.”

     “What are you going to do about it?” Tyler sat up on their branch and looked down at the older, angry boy on the ground. He swung his legs innocently and looked up at the dark trees for quick reassurance, that was all he needed.

     “You’re pushing your luck buddy boy,” Brendon stomped over to the base of the tree and looked directly up at the dark silhouette slowly spilling his paint onto his shirt, “Look, just stay away from him! He’s already broken enough; I don’t need you doing anything else to him.” He said the last part quietly, but Tyler had been the quiet one long enough to hear the quiet beneath the noise.

     “You think he’s broken?” Tyler asked quietly and started to climb down from the tree. Blurry climbed down with him, smiling triumphantly as Tyler did and said everything he wanted, making a fool of himself completely.

     “Just leave him alone,” His last words engraved themselves in Tyler’s brain, with or without the help of Blurry. All he could think about from then on, was _Leave him alone_.

 _You’re just going to mess him up.  
     You’re going to ruin him.  
     He doesn’t need you, he’s got Brendon.  
     You’re _ nothing _to him._

     Maybe Blurry was right.

 

     It had been a week since Josh had seen Tyler. For Josh, a week without Tyler felt like a year without the sun. Any warmth he had left with Tyler, leaving him cold and worried, sitting quietly under their tree. Desperately listening to the silence, trying to find any sign that he ever existed at all and he wasn’t just a part of his imagination.

     “Dude, stop beating yourself up over him,” Brendon groaned from his top bunk, glaring down at his friend who was sitting on Tyler’s bed with his legs crossed and his fidgeting hands in his lap. He always was a nervous person, “You only knew him for two weeks and didn’t even talk to him that much.”

     “Shut up Brendon,” Josh snapped, his hands stopping in his lap and looking over at the small wooden drawers next to Tyler’s bed. It was small and pathetic, a small lamp sitting on the top he had never seen lit. Tyler’s suitcase was tucked under the bed, but most of his school stuff were in the drawers.

     “Josh,” Brendon sighed and scooted forward so his legs dangled off the edge, looking down at his best friend, “He’s probably fine, he was perfectly fine when I spoke to him.”

     “You spoke to him? When? What did he say? Why didn’t you tell me?” Josh began to rock on his legs, looking up hopefully as a million questions and other statements ran through his head all at once.

     “I,” Brendon stumbled, trying to think of a logical excuse to tell him. He couldn’t lie though, not to those soft brown eyes, “Josh, look. I was just looking out for you,”

     Josh said nothing, just got up from the bed silently and walked over to the door. He didn’t look at Brendon or do anything at all, just quietly stalked out of the room and ran as fast as he could to their tree. Brendon _always_ did this, ever since Debby, he had destroyed relationship after relationship. He wasn’t going to let him this time.

     “Please Tyler,” Josh wept into his hands, waiting for Tyler to pull them away again and kiss away his thoughts. But he knew he would never come. He had been coming every day since the last time he saw him and listened to the sounds that used to be Tyler. The soft song the wind whispered in his hair that used to be Tyler. Nothing was Tyler anymore. He was gone.

     His mind almost won when the cold hands did come, wrapping around his wrists and gently pulling them away from his face. Warm eyes meeting his and telling him it was going to be okay.

     “Forgive me,” Tyler whispered, “Please?”

     Josh said nothing once again, just wrapped himself around the broken canvas in front of him. Pressing their lips together, welcoming that familiar feeling of peace and serenity, letting both their fears and doubts melt away into the leaves. He let his hands travel down the back of Tyler’s neck and down the front of his shirt. He tangled his fingers in the hair on the back of his neck and let Tyler do the same, letting him pull gently on the soft blue curls.

     Tyler melted under Josh’s touch on his chest, letting it travel further down to his stomach. He let him reach under his black jersey and run his fingers along his chest all over again, just until his hand reached the canvas he kept so well hidden inside the small notebook under his drawers. He quickly jumped back as Josh ran his hand over his artwork, smearing the paint a little bit everywhere and opening fresh wounds.

     “Tyler?” Josh looked at his hand then back at the boy on the ground in front of him, watching as he held his hand just in front of his stomach but quickly took it away. He let the tears fall once again as Josh ignored his hand and crouched next to Tyler on the broken leaves.

     “No, Josh,” Tyler held his palm out.

     “Tyler, it’s okay,” Josh reached gently for Tyler’s jersey, but his hands were once again grabbed and held away.

     “No, it’s not,” Tyler spoke sternly, “I’m broken, Josh. You don’t want to be with a broken canvas.”

     “Tyler, can I show you something other than my lock screen?” Josh sat back and started to pull his shirt up a little.

     “Depends what it is,” Tyler chuckled lightly, sitting back with his legs crossed and watching to see what Josh had to show him, “Do I need to bring back my earlier statement?” Tyler asked with an eyebrow raised as Josh began to undo his belt. He just mocked a laugh and continued to undo it until he began to pull down his black, ripped skinny jeans. Any sign of laughter dissolved as the sun shone on Josh’s deep, dark secrets he keeps hidden away with drumsticks and sarcasm. All along the insides of his thighs were small white lines, the same as on Tyler’s stomach and wrists, but healed. He wanted to reach out and touch them, to tell him it was going to be okay. This whole time, he had been worried about making sure Josh was okay, but never thought about whether or not Josh had been trying to do the same.

     “Please let me see,” Josh said quietly and pulled his pants back up, doing his belt up again and sitting crossed legged right in front of Tyler.

     “Okay,” Tyler said weakly and let his hands hesitate at the hem of his jersey. He had never sung in front of anyone because it was his way of keeping calm and he didn’t want anyone to ruin it. Thus, he made himself a rule to never sing in front of anyone. Today was the day to break that rule. He slowly sang to himself as he tugged off his jersey and let Josh look at the artwork he had created.

     “Oh, Tyler,” Josh _did_ reach out to touch the paint that slowly bubbled at the top of Tyler’s skin, stopping himself millimetres away from them because he knew how much it hurt to touch.

     “I know,” Tyler closed his eyes and moved his singing into his head as Josh moved closer and closer. He listened as Josh was almost sitting in his lap, as he reached out and grabbed his neck. He listened as Josh turned his head to the side and pressed their foreheads together.

     “You’re not broken Tyler,” Josh whispered and Tyler opened his eyes to this, embarking on the journey of watching his sunrise spread across his face as he placed his lips on top of Josh’s, “And if you are, we’re both broken people.”

     Tyler couldn’t help but smile and almost push Josh to the ground, kissing him with such desperation and delight. He just couldn’t contain himself any longer, holding Josh’s jaw in both his hands and kissed all over his face. Leaving him a laughing mess with a shirtless boy on top of him that just couldn’t seem to keep his hands and lips to himself.

     “Okay, okay,” Josh laughed and grabbed Tyler’s hands this time, holding them to his bare chest and sitting up. Both of them continued smiling as Josh gently put Tyler on the ground and stood over him, “Race you to the top,” He quickly let go of Tyler and sprinted to the tree, leaving him to laugh and chase after him.

     “You’re so fast!” Tyler laughed and ran after Josh, quickly passing him in the tree.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, hope you read the note last chapter.  
>  \- H

     This time it wasn’t someone going missing, or someone yelling at someone else, it was a person coming back. Someone Tyler never wanted to see again, never wanted to know existed in the first place. His old friend Mark was standing at the door of their dorm room, on the brink of tears with no actual reason to be crying.

     “I’m sorry Tyler, please,” He pleaded to the taller boy, finally letting a single tear drop down his cheek and onto the carpet, “Please let me come back, I love you.”

     “Mark,” Tyler stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him, managing to keep his cool as Josh looked at him, his fire being smouldered by worry and confusion, “Look, I’m done with you. I don’t want to play charades anymore okay, I get it. You were a dick, yay we won. But I’m not taking any more of your bullshit you hear me? So just leave us alone and don’t come back. Go home to whatever whore you call your own this time.”

     “Tyler, please I’m begging you,” Mark clasped his hands together, almost as if he were in a drama performance and _really_ needed to sell himself, “I’m sorry, it wasn’t like that.”

     “That’s what you say every time Mark,” Tyler sighed and turned back to the door, his hand on the handle when Mark decided to change his persona.

     “You know,” Mark stood up straight, his hands by his sides and his face full of confidence, “I took you in so many times, let you come in to _my_ house. When you were being a little bitch because your dad found out you were gay. I was there for you Tyler!” Tyler shrunk back against the door as the smaller man raised his voice and came closer and closer, “And I just want this one small thing and you can’t do it! I always knew you were pathetic,” He spat and with that, he was gone down the hall. Off to find someone else’s life he could ruin. He would be fine, just go home and maybe do some drugs and fuck some whores. But Tyler?

     Tyler couldn’t do anything, he couldn’t think as his sunrise came out and picked him up off the floor. He couldn’t do anything as he gently cradled him against his chest, letting him douse the fire in his own tears. He couldn’t do anything as Blurry started to reach under his drawers and pulled out the small notebook he kept himself in. Underneath was the small piece of metal that defined him. Josh thought he had stopped, thought he had thrown it out and wasn’t doing that anymore. He was wrong.

     “You won’t be needing this anymore,” He laughed and threw the book out the window, letting it fall to the hot concrete four floors below them. But he knew it wasn’t real.

     “It’s okay,” Josh slowly ran his fingers through Tyler’s hair to calm him down, whispering gentle words in his ear and holding him captive in his arms.

     “No it’s not Josh,” Tyler cried, “I’m not broken. It’s like a bomb went off and my mind is the building, like someone set me on fire just to watch me collapse and fall into nothing. You don’t understand.”

     “Oh, Tyler,” He just continued doing the same things, twisting his fingers through Tyler’s soft hair and resting his head on the bed he had his back against, “You’re not any of that, you’re like the Eiffel tower,” He didn’t have to explain further, Tyler got it. His head whipped up to look Josh in the eye, to say something he normally didn’t say to people he had known for barely a month.

     “I love you, Josh,” He whispered and sniffled a little, he knew he probably looked like his previous analogies, but nonetheless. He gently reached forward and kissed Josh. He let _this_ fire burn him away from the inside, he let Josh break him down wall by wall, because if there was no one more worthy of breaking him down than his sunrise.

 

     Mark didn’t truly leave that day. He watched Josh and Tyler for weeks, watching to see what their weaknesses were so he could destroy them piece by piece. Tyler was his. Whether Josh like it or not.

     “Josh!” He yelled across the street, waving happily and jogging over to him, “Hey man, sorry about the other day.”

     “Hey,” Josh looked around to see if anyone was looking, to see if there were any cameras or anything. None that he could see, but he didn’t want to talk to this psycho, “Sorry, I have to go to class,” He tried to get away, but Mark gripped his shoulder and turned him back, holding him a little too close for his liking.

     “Look man, I’m sorry okay,” Mark faked his apology and Josh knew it, he knew a fake smile anywhere, “I didn’t mean to start anything.”

     “Sure you didn’t,” Josh once again tried to leave, but couldn’t because of the strong hand that wouldn’t let him, “Look man, it’s fine, he’s fine.”

     “Is he really,” Mark asked, faking an empathetic smile this time, “I mean the whole time _I_ knew him, he was you know,” He motioned his other hand across his stomach, pretending his fingernails were claws and scratching at his stomach.

     “He’s fine, he’s stopped,” Josh looked him up and down, took in how strong and confident he had seemed unlike when he first saw him at the door, “No one even asked you _whatever your name is_ so just leave us alone. I have to go to class,” He ripped himself from beneath the hand and walking back towards their dorm.

 

     Tyler was in his own class when Josh got back, so he took it as his chance to see if Mark or Tyler was telling the truth. He quickly threw his back pack on his bed and knelt down in front of Tyler’s drawers, slowly opening the small wooden drawers. He had never gone into them without Tyler’s permission, thusly he had never gone into them. It was strange, how much stuff he didn’t keep in them. In his own, Josh had almost everything he owned stuffed in between the planks of wood, but there wasn’t much in the drawers.

     He thought back to when he had the same secret, wondering where he had hidden them and kept them from his parents. His hand slowly reached under the drawers and pulled out a small book, not exactly what he was looking for but, he put it on the bed next to him and ran his hand underneath once again. A small bit of his skin ripped off when it caught on the small blade and he immediately drew back his hand. Tyler _was_ lying to him.

     Footsteps walked past the door and Josh immediately looked around to see if anyone was coming. The book on the bed called out to him, telling him to read it and learn all Tyler’s little secrets. But his mind told him not to, that Tyler would get mad if he found out. He needed to know.

     Inside the pages were covered in messy, black handwriting, words covering almost every inch of the page, along with lines and just mindless doodles. One of which, in the very corner of the bookmarked page was four rectangles, arranged so that they made a sort of ‘t’ shape. He didn’t recognise this handwriting, it was different, like it was made out of fear and hate. The words made him smile and cry as he read them. He allowed himself to get lost in the words, thinking about what they could mean and why he would’ve written them.

     _I don’t know,_  
     Where I,  
     Am supposed to go,  
     So, I,  
     Might just take my pride and go,

     He read the whole song, a tear dripping down his face and on to the sheets. But that didn’t last long, as Mark’s plan was working, just not in the way he wanted it to, when Tyler walked in and saw Josh sitting on the bed with his notebook in his hands.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw shit man what a cliffhanger.   
> Guess who's back, back again. ME! I do not remember leaving y'all on such an epic cliffhanger like shit what is wrong with me. Anywho I'm back and will hopefully start adding to this again. Whoop Whoop. This hiatus is not going well.

     "Josh?" Tyler's voice was quiet, collected. Like he understood but that didn't excuse what he was staring at, the eyes of his sunset staring up at him with something that could only be described as  _apologetic_.  
     "Tyler I-" Josh's voice got lost in the back of his throat, where his mind thought it couldn't do any harm to him or Tyler. Both of them just looked at each other as Tyler slowly stepped forward and took the book out of his hands and replacing it with his own. The book abandoned on the dresser next to them where neither of them wanted to look at it, choosing to look at each other instead.  
     "Josh," Tyler spoke gently and knelt down in front of his crying friend, "It's okay," He spoke quietly but strongly, taking control of a situation he was so familiar with it made him want to cry. So many times had people "stumbled" across the words he tried his best to keep hidden, keep under control and out of his way. So many times had he had to diffuse tears or melt under screams. That's what it was like with his brother, when he found him.  
     "But-" Josh was at a loss for words, having just invaded Tyler's privacy, something he would never forgive, and been met with what seemed to be understanding. He didn't like it, for some reason he wanted Tyler to be mad at him, wanted him to freak out and yell at him and never want to see him again. That what Debby said, so in some way he didn't know what else was going to happen.  
     "It's okay Josh," Tyler smiled and wiped a tear away from Josh's cheek, "I get it, I probably would've done the same," He chuckled a little, looking down for a split second before doing what he had only dreamed of doing for like a week or two. He gently leaned in and let the warmth of Josh's lips take over the cold of his own, once again feeling that familiar feeling of safety and serenity as though his head wasn't there and all the wars behind his eyes were just melting away. He couldn't help but get carried away in the sweet coffee taste that seemed to follow Josh no matter what he did, letting his hands drop to his waist while his own went to the back of his neck. The light curls of blue wrapping themselves around the tips of Tyler's fingers as though that was what they were grown to do, just for him.  
     But, the serenity did not last long as the door opened gently but the two boys flew away from each other at record speeds. Brendon looked at them with a mix of confusion, recognition, anger and disappointment. Tyler couldn't help but feel hopeful that maybe he would understand and wouldn't say anything about the fact that he just walked in on them making out on his bed, but he was wrong. So wrong. The silence in the room didn't help at all, the three boys all knowing what just happened and none of them daring to deny it.  
     "Josh, a word in the hall please?" Brendon said calmly and the quiet shook Tyler to the core as his roommates stepped out of the room. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Blurry sat next to him with a hand on his shoulder and a sympathetic smile spread across his face.  
     "Maybe next time aye?" He said and rubbed his hand across Tyler's shoulder, his eyes dark brown and the marks across his neck and hands lighter than usual, beginning to crack and crumble but slowly as though it was happening over a million years. Both felt a twinge of sadness at the thought of Blurry leaving, sure he was an asshole at times, but Tyler thought of him as his best friend, always there to comfort him with his low terrifying voice that scared the terror out of him and replaced it with a feeling of warmth and home.  
     "There's not going to be a next time," Tyler said sadly and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together between them. He tried his best to tune out the arguing going on just a wall away but he couldn't do it, the voices getting louder and louder until he almost got up and yelled at them himself to be quiet, but he didn't. He sat. And listened.  
     "Josh remember this happened last time!" Brendon yelled and Tyler knitted his eyebrows together and looked at the door,  _Josh had a 'last time' too?  
     _"Brendon you do this every time! Can't you just let me have a relationship this one time?" Josh had begun to yell too, which was strange for him because his voice was normally so full of love, gentle and warm like hot chocolate. Tyler always found that ironic, seeing as he only ever drinks coffee.  
     "I just don't want to have to go through Debby all over again!" Brendon began to be quiet while still yelling and Tyler began thinking what it would be like if he had a friend like that. That could be terrifying when need be but simultaneously everything he needed. Sometimes his dad was like that, but not very often. With them it was more his dad was the terrifying while his mother was the comforting, not understanding why his dad was angry and his siblings just leaving him alone for the most part. Except Zack. Zack was always there, he understood and was the perfect mix of his family, following when Tyler left the dinner table, coming up with a plate of food when he started losing weight, hiding things from him even though he got hurt too. Let's just say Tyler wasn't the best brother, or son. In his mind he wasn't at least.  
     He got so caught up in his thoughts of his family he didn't notice a third voice come into play, but he did eventually, just in time to hear his brain being laid out to the one person he wanted to keep it locked up from. Dr. Williams spoke in a hushed voice but not hushed enough to not be heard.  
     "Do you know  _why_ I put you three together?" She spoke, her whispers full of frustration and anger, like she was telling off 2/3 of her children.  
     "Because it was convenient?" Brendon asked and Tyler could picture the 'what the fuck Brendon' look on Josh's face.  
     "No you imbecile," Dr Williams said with such a tone to suggest she was looking at Brendon the same as how Tyler thought Josh would, "I put him and  _Josh_ together, you were just an unwanted extra that came with him. I put you three together because you have all gone through roughly the same things. Josh, not only did you have to deal with this little shit," She pointed at Brendon, "But you had to deal with bullying for being bi didn't you?" There was a moment of silence and even Tyler wasn't sure what to think, "Well Tyler had to deal with his family. An old friend from high school, who will not be named, emailed me and told me about how his father in particular was not very keen on him being gay which led to some  _emotional_ issues, and I thought you two would be able to help steer him on the right path, but NOO you made it worse you shitheads. Now, go apologize before I kick you both out the dorm," Tyler was frozen looking at the door. None of them knew what to do really, just standing there stunned, until Josh turned and opened the door.  
     "I'm not very good with words, sorry," Josh stood in front of Tyler, trying to think of something to say but failing miserably as his years of hiding behind a set of drums really started to hit him hard. He just couldn't stop looking into those eyes that reminded him so much of the wood paneling in his house, so in a way, those eyes reminded him of home. Because that's what they were to him. Home.  
     "Neither am I," Tyler said quietly and did the only he could think of. He hastily kissed Josh and let Brendon watch and Dr Williams walk away, one with an eyebrow raised and the other smiling like a small child. As he moved his mouth with Josh's, he let that feeling of safety wash over him once again. Thoughts of his family and what Dr Williams had said flying out the window along with the fears he used to hold so dearly to his heart.  
     Now all the pair needed to do was get Brendon on board.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh I'm sorry. I'm back now. I'm not very good mentally so I'll try and update more often but don't get your hopes too high. I'm also writing another fic that's waaayyy better and I'm going to finish it before posting it so you don't have to wait like this all the time. Right here we go.

     It was difficult, especially for Tyler. He had spent his whole life thinking he wasn't good enough for the people around him, and someone finally came around and proved him wrong, only for their best friend to contradict it. It hurt, it did. No matter how many times Josh told him, "It's okay, he'll come around, you just need to give him some time to adjust," he couldn't get old words out of his head. Old words he knows don't mean anything and he shouldn't listen to, but does nonetheless. Josh is oblivious to the phrases and looks floating around his lover's head, and Tyler wants to tell him so bad, but can't get the fear out of his skin. Every time he goes to try his words betray him, saying what he wants to say but in riddles that sometimes even he can't understand. When he was younger, he would take his frustration out on two different canvases, one made of skin and the other paper. It had been a while since he had even looked at his notebook, still afraid of the look in Josh's eyes when he read it.   
     "Brendon'll be back in like 20 minutes," Josh held his laptop on his right arm, his left reaching out to grab Tyler, "And I'll be back in like one or two, I need to talk to a teacher," He smiled and kisses Tyler on the lips, just long enough that both could feel the cold after the pulled apart.  
     "I'll see you later then," Tyler smiled, he was too good at smiling and it creeped even himself out sometimes. He often wondered how nobody noticed the torture going on behind his eyes, the old phrases that he can't seem to get rid of.  
     "Text me if you need me," Josh smiled, letting his hand fall away and going towards the door. He smiled politely at the small, fragile boy before leaving. Neither wanted to be apart from the other, Tyler staring at the empty door for a few seconds before sitting down and Josh picturing that old smile on his way down the hall. However nobody said anything out of fear of driving the other one away.  
     Tyler just sat on his bed, holding his notebook in his hand. The thick black leather reminded him of when he was younger, the handwriting on the thin pages telling a story not everyone was fit to read. A pen now in his hand, he added to the pages, stopping to think every now and then, smiling as he made it rhyme but frowning when he remembers what it is he's making. It terrifies him, what he makes. Things that normal people would cringe at and slowly back away, calling him crazy or other names along those lines. But he kept creating anyway, letting his purpose take him over, running through his veins and out through his teeth as he hummed a tune he thought could go along with his terrifying rhymes. Only getting interrupted and brought back to where he was by a knock on the door. Josh had forgotten something.  
     "What'd you-" Tyler went to ask Josh what he had forgotten but was ripped from his head by a strong, warm hand on his chest and another cold one wrapping around the back of his neck, however only one was really there. His eyes closed in fear as he was pushed back, further into the cold hand by the warm one.  
     "Shh," Marks warm voice filled Tyler's eyes and every inch of air in him was ripped out, thrown on to the floor and stomped on by the man holding his chest, "No one's here, it'll be just like when we were younger," He smiled menacingly, his other warm hand moving up and replacing the cold one on the back of Tyler's neck. The younger boy was motionless under the grasp, pretending the cold lips on his were that of the boy who held his heart in the pupil of his eye. But it didn't work. Although in made him remember he actually did have limbs and he began to kick, screaming through his blocked lips, punching Mark's back with the little energy he could find in his bloodstream. As soon as the cold lips were gone he raised his voice.  
     "Stop!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, the majority of his brain wanting someone to hear but there was still that doubt that no one would care, that they wanted him to be in this situation, "Get off me! Leave me alone!" He tried with all is might to throw the larger man away as he was thrown onto Josh's bed, the bottom one as to keep him still, where it was more difficult for him to get away. He was about to give up, let the old memories invade him when all the weight was off his chest, getting punched in the face by blurry brown, almost black hair. Mark yelled, trying to defend himself, but Brendon had seen and heard too much.  
     "Get out of my building and if I see you ever again, you better pray you can run fast," Brendon's voice was low and terrifying, sending shivers down the other two boys spines, however one was out of comfort as he slowly let a tear drop down his cheek, "Tyler," He went to speak but chose not too, remembering their time in the forest, when Tyler had told him he was more scared of words than fists. So he said nothing, just wrapped his arms around the small boy and held him close to his chest, letting him sync their breathing. Tyler did just that, kept himself under control as he listened to the heartbeat of someone he thought didn't like him at all. But he did, it just took him a while.  
     "I'm sorry Brendon," He whispered, warm tears coating his top lip as he spoke although his crying had stopped now.  
     "It's okay, I'm sorry too," Brendon sighed, "It's just I don't trust anyone with Josh anymore. He has a habit of being too nice and doesn't know when to stop," He sighed, his eyes distant and full of something Tyler had never seen in them before.  
     "I understand," Tyler smiled and looked up, crawling out of the stronger man's grasp. He opened his mouth to say something but didn't, deciding to just smile and continue doing nothing with someone he hoped would be this quiet when need be. But he needed a favour, a huge favour, "Do you think you could... not tell Josh?" He asked, looking down at his intertwined fingers fiddling on top of his crossed ankles.  
     "Tyler, are you sure?" Brendon asked, his voice low and quiet so he didn't scare the already still frightened boy. Tyler nodded and he sighed, leaning back a little and looking at the mess of emotions in front of him, "Okay, but only because you're my second child now," Brendon laughed, looking down as the broken canvas on the bed smirked at his ankles, but only for a second. He could feel that he was wrong about this one, he was nothing like the others, he had a past. No matter how twisted and cracked he was, it was his duty to protect him from everything, even himself. He was Josh 2.0.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry Mark I love you but I just want this fic to hurry up and end and you're the only one with motivation at this point.


End file.
